How to make a work training on new software as painless as possible.

Do you need to train employees on how to use a new computer program? If so, follow this guide to make the experience as awesome-sauce as possible!

Step 1: Have everyone drive downtown through traffic and sit in plastic chairs while the instructor plays videos off a website. (Note: to make this step more effective, make sure the instructor is not a program sales person, but one of your own employees, who becomes qualified to teach this course by watching the exact same online videos).

Step 2: Make the training at least 3 hours long. Do not provide refreshments.

Step 3: Start off the training by explaining that a computer program is like a shopping mall. (Note, this will not work if the program is an actual shopping site).

Step 4: Explain that this program is better than all others because hyperlinks in the program are called 'charms.' Throughout the training, keep telling employees to click on the so-and-so charm.

Step 5: Make sure that only half the features are available for demo. Inform everyone that this program will replace 5 other programs being currently used, and that though those particular features are not currently available for demo, reassure everyone that they will be there when the program launches in two months time. Cross our hearts and hope to die. Deflect questions about these features by reminding everyone that these features are not part of the training (i.e. not in the video).

Step 6: Have instructor respond to all questions by pointing out the help icon in the upper right corner of the page, and let everyone know that the help icon is the only source of tech support, because in-house IT Department will not answer calls about the program. (See Note in Step 1).